Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Cloth Buddies

April 12th, 2017

It may mean anthropomorphizing garments and binkies. It seems to run on the male side of my family.

Two of my three sons were very attached to their baby blankets. I ended up salvaging them by first patching each, and then by cutting down and re-hemming the sturdiest surviving parts. One son, it turns out, really liked the satin binding; he could be diverted with a satin slip.

Pic Note: This is a fair-use image retrieved from wikipedia.

I can relate for myself. I don’t fetishize individual garments or cloth objects. Yet, I am very fond of wear-softened cotton or silk shirts. Alas, I have had to admit that I have worn out yet another favorite shirt.

This one is a maroon cotton long sleeved one (almost all my shirts are long-sleeved and cotton). The collar and cuffs are clearly worn, showing white threads. Sigh.

I have also come to a tipping point with three Woodrich animal-print cotton shirts. There was a moose one, hunting dogs, and bears. I have had these for years. wear them equally and they are wearing out simultaneously.

Woodrich has long ago removed these from production. They make a bastardized version, very heavy, very thick chamois cotton. I have a couple of those in good shape; they really are too hot and bulky to ever bring the comfort and joy of the previous versions.

This seems to make many women including my wife somewhat disdainful. Women tend to have more and more diverse clothes from men. Women are thus more comfortable tossing garments that show wear. They are also far less willing than I to darn and otherwise patch a shirt.

Like my sons, I enjoy a soft piece of cloth. More than just nice to touch, it seems that the shirts and I have been through a lot together. That’s where the weird anthropomorphizing comes it. It’s almost animistic. I can’t say that my soft shirt has a soul, but it sure is pleasant to wear.

Drinking where Hercules killed the lion

April 5th, 2017

Don’t expect Greek table wines to stand up to those from the likes of Italy and France. It is infamous for bland ones.

Many will seem watery. That’s historically reasonable too. Think of a symposium, which is Greek for drinking together. In ancient times, the likes of Socrates would resolve matters philosophical, governmental and more over wine. However, a big however, they watered their wine equally or more; they wanted to keep a clear head for the discussions.

Over my life, I’ve had decent Greek wines. Moreover my wife and I are fond of retsina. I’ve heard many compare the resin-tinged wine to the way kerosene smells. Then in disclosure note that I love malt whiskey, particularly those from Islay. My absolute favorite is the very peaty Lagavulin. Even some Scotch fans say it reminds them of iodine.

On our recent swing through Greece, we found a nice white from Corfu and a new favorite brand of retsina. We also tasted two whites and three reds at Domaine Skouras  in Nemea, near Corinth. Those included some real winners.


Dimitris at Skouras really knows his horticulture. Nearly as important he is a great showman. He made the tour and tasting funny and fun.
We did two dry whites — a 100% Moscofilero and the Armyra, 95% Chafrdonnay and 5% Malagousia. The former was flowery and the latter fruity. Either would would be a fine patio buddy. They were respectively just under 8 € and just under 10 €. Things are cheap in Greece, but these would be well worth more.
Of our 3 reds, two featured the classic Nemean Saint George (Agiorgitiko) grape. Saint George was 100% and Megas Oenos (snicker, big wine) 80% with 20% Cabernet Sauvignon. Fleva was 100% Syrah. The 17.4 € Megas allegedly would cellar well for 15 years. The 14 € Fleva had complex nose and mouth. I liked the 8.8 € Saint George best, medium body with long finish.
Back in the bleachers, we discovered a new favorite retsina at several restaurants on Corfu and in Athens. Malamatina is full flavored and not too heavy on the resin. It is an excellent meal wine.

Pix Notes: You’re welcome to anything useful. They are Creative Commons, so just cite Mike Ball once. Click images to enlarge.

Fetishes of Heroes and Appearances

April 4th, 2017

Let me be straight up about Achilles. His treatment of Hector and King Priam knock Achilles out of the running for noble and honorable. I’d put him in the gonif class (the Greek for scoundrel is αχρείος).

However, Elisabeth, Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary, fetishized old weak heel Achilles. She built a palace in his name (Achilleion) in Gastouri just south of Corfu town. It is chockablock with Achilles statues by German sculptor  Ernst Herter and others.

The late 19th Century wife of Emperor Franz Joseph I had considerable power and wealth, she was also a cautionary tale. Such negativity aside, the palace is a splendid tour.

Imperial Obsessions

Raised in nobility, married an emperor (too young at 16), and she even met goal number one for her type — she produced a male heir to the throne. What was the problem then?

Sissi (sometimes Sisi) as Elisabeth was known was not happy in the Hapsburg court. It was formal and stuffy, and came with a controlling mother-in-law, Archduchess Sophie.

Moreover, she was not as enamored of her hubby as he was of her. Instead, she was a looker who was determined to be the most beautiful woman in view. Children? Age? No, nothing was an excuse for her.

To feel like a slug, check out her wikipedia entry on her physical regimen. She was 5’8″ and maintained 110 pounds via exercise and diet through four pregnancies and high social life. It seems she was anorexic, which goes with the package.

So how you might ask did a Hungarian big-shot come to love Achilles, and all things Greek, and to build a palace off Northwest Greece? Her wiki entry has numerous citations and there are several good biographies of her. The short of it is that Sissi fancied herself a scholar and saw the ancient Greeks as the epitome of humanity.  What better basis to continually study the language, culture, philosophy and arts of Greece?

Arm’s Length

Alas, Sissi never enjoyed the Hapsburg game. She and her emperor produced some children, including the mandatory male heir. Apparently neither of them pointed out that the world had a long history of successful women rulers. When the time and circumstances arose, they were stuck.

Their one son, Rudolph, at 31 shot his 17-year-old mistress, then himself to death. Daddy had said he couldn’t divorce his wife, Princess Stéphanie of Belgium (arranged noble marriage of course). You can read how this cascade of related events likely lead to WWI. For Sissi, it was closer to home.

She piled on the plans and work orders. She had many builders and craftsmen imported (such as Italian marble workers), and led the palace to completion in just over two years.

Sissi visited the palace for long periods twice a year until an Italian anarchist assassinated her nearly 10 years later. Then her daughter Maria-Valeria did little with the property and sold it within a decade to Kaiser Wilhelm II. He shuffled and replace a few of the statues, as emperors are wont to do.

The palace suffered various uses, shifting furniture but not the paintings and statues…at least once Wilhelm blundered around. He removed a statue of a Jewish poet, Heinrich Heine, and had added a gigantic full-drag Achilles bronze in hoplite armor. In the main though, it survived pretty well through serving as a rescue center for children, having its second floor transformed from bedrooms into a casino (featured in the Bond flick For Your Eyes Only), and use as an Axis-powered HQ.

What’s to See?

For your 8 € entry, you get use of an audio tour box and a real view of the splendors of the Gilded Age, royal version. Vista fans and gardening types can revel in the grounds. Levels of terracing lead overlook the forest and old plantings.

Some olive trees are centuries old and huge. This one that our guide claimed was maybe 600 years old was about 3 feet across before splaying out at the base. It has large holes from a common vine disease. It continues to produce. O
Life sized statues of the nine muses lined a patio. Here are snaps of Melpomene (muse of tragedy, holding a tragic mask) and Terpsichore (muse of dance with a lyre).

Behind them were 14 busts, 13 ancient Greek philosophers, and somewhat inexplicably William Shakespeare.

Furniture outside and a fountain by the muses featured another of Sissi’s obsessions, dolphins.
That bronze Achilles Wilhelm commissioned included a shield with an intimidating gorgon.
Befitting the palace’s name, the highlight statue is a gigantic dying Achilles.
For drama, dying Achilles appears pulling the fatal arrow from his heel.

Pix Notes: You’re welcome to anything useful. They are Creative Commons, so just cite Mike Ball once. Click images to enlarge.

 

 

Public Pets Abound in Greece

April 3rd, 2017

Among the things we learned in Greece recently was that stray dogs and cats are ubiquitous. In the few major cities and all tourist sites, seemingly healthy and clearly well fed furry things lounge and beg.

Pix Notes: You’re welcome to anything useful. They are Creative Commons, so just cite Mike Ball once. Click images to enlarge.

There are ways and ways of viewing public-pet reality. Here’s one writer’s thoughts close to mine. The Friends of the Strays of Greece sees anguish and death for them. In fact, in rural areas where stray dogs may be kept as hunting animals, then discarded, street life is not good.

What we experienced was the public-pet picture. Many tavernas and other eateries had a resident dog. It would bask and nap in  the sun on the paving stones.Various people would speak to, pet and feed the dog.

Where we saw cats was mostly at tourist sites and mostly outside of large cities. They and they dogs seemed to keep their distance. Tourists would feed them. The cats were much more cautious than the dogs.

I thought of how different Athenians are from Parisians. Both love dogs, but deal with them very unlike the other.

Parisians clearly own their dogs and take them home, as well as everywhere they go. That includes groceries, bars and all kinds of restaurants. That extends beyond Paris too. I recall a meal at Scorlion in Saint-Jean-d’Angély near Cognac. A well-dressed elderly woman parked a pair of primary-school aged boys, likely grandsons, on the patio outside. She brought her dog in and they dined while the boys waited outside for a couple of hours.

…and the poop…

Right up with Parisians’ disdain for anyone who speaks what they consider imperfect French, is having to experience dog feces. The smell permeates the city and one has to be constantly careful where shoes go. This seems peculiar in a city and nation that has so many virtues and joys. Let us remember that the revolutionary call liberté,égalité,fraternité did not add considération.

Greeks on the other hand seem to clean up after their dogs. Walks through towns or country did not include assaults on the nose or shoe. Perhaps a country that prides itself on founding democracy should tend to the commonweal. Arf,

String beans, snap beans…Boomer beans

March 7th, 2017

To anthropomorphize the flora, the huge maple in my grandparents’ backyard saw much. Granddad built that house by hand in the 1920s and the tree was already big. It became a host to the 7-year locusts that arrived when I was 5 and again at 12 and 19. Their translucent leavings were great sport and science and art.

You can peek behind my sister and me to see part of the massive maple’s trunk. We are between the BBQ and the picnic table Granddad added. We had just returned from being part of the Occupation Army in Japan. Our parents had divorced. She and I were jolly and good friends.

Under that tree there was no smithy but it was a neighborhood and family witness. Not the least of the events were vegetable related. Sure, we had hundreds of family and extended family gatherings there, but the bees were more frequent and memorable.

I can display my BY-CRACKY card here. My three sons did not grow up with my country trappings. The youngest is 23 and his cohort is far less likely to have cultivated beans. For many, the term string bean is only an insult for a skinny kid and not a thing. It’s like when they see a typewriter or an old computer keyboard with RETURN on one on the keys where Enter is now.  As millennials might say, “What does that even mean?”

Baskets of beans

Under that tree gathered conscripted labor (we kids), my Grandmother Mable’s sister Ann, Suzy Cunningham from across the yard, Mrs. Heinz from catercorner, and sometimes Mable’s brother’s families.

Mable and Granddad played a vegetable game. Come harvest and canning time, she’d say to him, “Bill, I could use a few beans (or peas or limas or whatever).” He and I grew his gardens. He called them diminutively patches. As his coworker, I knew they were an acre or more each — big.

A few beans meant several bushels. He and I bent to the task and the next day would deliver these. Mable would deliver the hands. Of course, they came for both the social aspect and a cut of the harvest.

Stringing and shucking

For you dazzling urbanites and young folk, know that green beans used to have inedible spines, those strings, hence string beans. To prepare them for cooking or canning, you’d hold the bean in one hand, snap the top with the other and peel the string the length of the bean, discarding the string.

In most situations, you’d also snap the bean into bit-sized pieces. Hence, snap bean.

For their part, lima beans and peas were hell on thumbs and definitely not the kids’ favorite. You’d need to squeeze the pod with both thumbs, pop it open, then run a finger the length of the pod to extract the goodies into a bowl. Repeat hundreds or thousands of times.

Adults got into a rhythm. There was lubricating iced tea, and gossip, and teasing, and family stories.

In the end, the women each left with a stock of beans or peas to enjoy, or an oral voucher for jars of the canned goods. We kids got meager offerings of Fudgsicles or maybe homemade ice cream. Our thumbs were red and sore. The gossip and family tales were less thrilling.

 

Granddad Broke His Leg

February 4th, 2017

A family horror story immediately came to mind when I saw the new object d’art in the main lobby of Boston’s South Station. If you loved trains growing up as I did and if you played with model-train sets, you’d recognize the coupling, even at 9 feet tall. It has special meeting to me.

My maternal grandfather, William Michael, worked the B&O for 48 years until they forced him to retire. He met one of these in a bad way in his early 50s.

Management lesson

As he told it, he knew better but was impatient. As he yard foreman in Cumberland, MD, he told his crew to climb up to the control wheels on top the cars to manually open the coupling when it would not connect two cars just by pushing them together. He didn’t wait when they couldn’t do it.

He took the little ladder up and was doing the work when he fell. As he did, the cars moved and the coupling linked…with him between, breaking his upper right leg in three or four places.

He found himself in his backyard for a couple of months with a cast from his waist down, on the broken side to his heel.

Lemonade

Meanwhile, my sister and I were kindergarten age and had recently returned from being part of the Occupation Army in Japan. Our parents had divorced and our father quickly remarried (a sordid tale for another time).

He and his new wife were stationed back in Fort Sill, OK, my sister and my birthplace. While our mother had full legal custody, she was trying to be a good scout and agreed when he requested that we spend the summer with them there.

That turned out to be a bad gesture. They decided at the end of the summer when he got orders to move to a base in Germany that they’d take my sister and me with them. So is the lesson never to trust an ex or that an officer is not necessarily an honorable gentleman?

They sent a telegram to my mother, who was then staying near her family in the Eastern panhandle of West Virginia. Locale became important. It was before Internet highways and it was a couple of days’ drive, which she immediately planned upon receiving the shocking wire.

Despite his immobile, plaster-cast condition, Granddad was ready to help his daughter. They got into his car and headed to Southern OK. He somehow managed to operate the pedals and they took turns driving.

On arrival, they went into court as a local lawyer they had contacted arranged. Despite my stepmother and father doing their best marketing effort, apparently my sister and I were not at all convinced that we’d be “better off” with them overseas. The judge quickly ruled that our mother had full custody and that meant what it said. Done and done.

Backyard satori

With the melodrama resolved, the four of us headed back to Romney, still an intact family. So, what’s a crippled, healing railroader to do?

Years later I got the answer to that directly from him. We’d l long been buddies, I much more than any of the other grands. My sister and I spent summers with these grandparents and I worked his massive (one-acre) gardens with him.

We talked of pesky rabbits, his evolution from pesticides to organic, family, railroading, town history and on and on. However, I think I figured I knew more about him than I really did, just from seeing and hearing over the years.

Eventually in my late teens, I got to a seminal question — how could he remain so placid with such a nasty wife? My grandmother was mean and insulting to me, my sister and mother, my maternal aunt, her own sister who also lived in Romney, and of course her husband. She made some of us fume and others cry.

It had taken me years to ask myself the related question, why did he work into the night on the B&O, run his tailor and dry cleaning shop and even do volunteer work, then spend the summer days laboring in these gardens? I knew he gave away most of what he grew to the less fortunate, but why work so hard? That answer finally revealed itself — that got him away from his unpleasant wife, keeping the peace.

His answer to my underlying question of his attitude started with his usual beatific smile and soft words.

When he was in the backyard, hobbled in the massive cast, he remained his usual impatient, doer self. He read every book in the house and those people brought him, then magazines like Reader’s Digest and Life, which the got, plus the Romney and Cumberland newspapers.

Then he thought.

He said that one sunny afternoon, more than a thought came to him suddenly. He realized with his essence what mattered. If his wife for whatever reason struck out at so many, including him, that truly wasn’t important. He instantly shifted from as irritated as others. He transcended her nastiness and was out of reach.

In other words, amid the rose bushes, within sight of the 4 foot square goldfish pond, across the yard from the picnic table, brick BBQ and massive maple, he was enlightened. It wasn’t that he would no longer pay attention to her nasty words. They were no longer triggers.

He was sure he never would have arrived there without his broken leg and forced meditation. In the end, not a bad way to spend the summer, eh? Rescue your grandchildren and come to peace. What did you do last summer?

 

 

Stuffing, dressing and one vulgarity

December 26th, 2016

Back to yesterday and yesteryear, the stuff of stuffing emerges. Most of us, it seems, just know what is supposed to go in the roast bird. Our grannies or other family cooks did the perfect version — in our hazy memories. Anything different or less fails.

I too grew up with plugged up and trussed turkeys, ducks, chickens and geese. I am honestly indifferent to stuffing on my own and really prefer the control over the appearance, flavor and cooking times with an empty carcass. If you really want the best flavors and looks, cook a hollow bird.

However, do not delude yourself; holiday food fans want to see and smell (and in a perverted Proust madeleine moment) fully recall and relive stuffings of childhood. I advise acquiescing and producing the expected here. You can be creative with the rest of the bird and meal. At the least concentrate on a groaning board of beautiful, memorable appetizers.

Yesterday was the Christmas feast for a dozen. We did not go to mass on Christmas, rather massed for languid frivolity, gift and jest swapping and popping Christmas crackers.

As I prepared stuffing for the too-big turkey, I thought back to a Thanksgiving nearly 50 years ago in an alley in Cambridge, MA, with the grandiloquent address of King Place. It is a quarter block long, dead ended and perpetually shabby.

Oh, 10 or a dozen of us college types shared this narrow house of four tiny apartments in a brick building cheek to jowl with the next. We did not know each other except in pairs or small subgroups before moving there, but heck it was Thanksgiving away from family and friends. We’d make our own communal feast.

Then as now I was the primary cook. Our house consensus though included two essentials. First, we needed a sizable turkey, and second, it had to come from the oven extruding bread stuffing. Then democracy and family became obvious. We were all WASPy types, but our family and regional differences became pronounced. Each of us knew exactly what was necessary for a proper stuffing.

We had outlying votes for oysters, chestnuts and other favorites from other homes. We ended up agreeing as youth are wont on too many, just to make sure everyone would fork through to find the right bites. As I recall, in addition to the requisite cubed junk bread, stuffing stuff included celery onion, walnuts, prunes AND raisins, onion, poultry seasoning, pepper, salt, sausage and more and more.

I finished prep with far more than the turkey or any bird short of an ostrich could have held. Hence came the trays of patties, morphing from stuffing to dressing. My companion of the period loudly dubbed the patties buffalo turds. She was born in North Dakota, but more to the point, she was charming and attractive enough that she could and did get away with such vulgarities. I am sure to this day there are a few from the house who will refer to dressing patties that way.

We were all happy with our democratically derived stuffing and dressing.

Flash forward

Back to fewer than 24 hours ago, our Christmas feast benefited from that memory. I relented and decided to stuff the gigantic bird.

I’m not much for too easy and quick. Those result in bland or worse. I think Stop Top stuffing is more like wood wool, a.k.a. excelsior, than food. I fell back on childhood, King Place, restaurant, and previous stuffing goes. Still I was surprised as virtually all at the table went on about the stuffing.

  • The previous day, I cubed two family sized, thick sliced loaves of junk white bread into a huge bowl.
  • I added things that wouldn’t go bad, including 12 ounces of chopped walnuts, two teaspoons of kosher salt, a teaspoon of black pepper and a teaspoon of powdered sage. I mixed these and left the lid off for the cubes to harden up a little.
  • I cooked the turkey neck and giblets to death, removed the neck meat and minced everything. to this, I added a pound of smoked ham run through the food processor. These meats rested overnight in the fridge. Separately, two cups of turkey broth from giblet cooking cooled overnight.
  • I minced two medium onions, one long celery stalk, the celery core including the fine leaves, and a half cup of fresh parsley. Those too rested in the fridge.
  • Early in the morning, I ran about 12 ounces of rinsed baby bella mushrooms, stems included, through the food processor.
  • I got the broth from the fridge and microwaved a cup of golden raisins in it on high for two minutes. The idea was to pre-plump the raisins before stuffing the bird.
  • I heated a stick of unsalted butter and softened the onion mixture, and added the mushrooms.
  • All the ingredients went into the jammed bowl (I have some huge bowls) in the sink to permit an occasional errant lump. When all were squished by hand, I pressed as much as possible into the body and neck cavities of the dry-brined turkey. Six hours and one turning later, the bird received much praise.

To me, stuffing is merely a side dish. Yet, it got the level of compliment a well scrubbed, smelling and looking deb would have at the ball.

We should not overlook or deride simple pleasures. As one of Robert Frost’s poems concludes, “One could do worse than be a swinger of birches. ”

 

 

Midtown, snow, long legs and a tree

December 22nd, 2016

Here in Boston, the light snow on Christmas week reminds me of Radio City Music Hall. A dear family friend, Evelyn Justice, took it on herself to guide my sister and me to our first Christmas spectacular there in 1963.

We waited in barricade queues, caught snowflakes on our coat sleeves and tongues, and grokked the Midtown essence of Christmas at Rockefeller Center. Yes, gigantic tree. Yes, ice skaters. Yes, a stage awash with long-legged Rockettes. Yes, a first-run movie.

Pic note: Public domain image by U.S. Navy Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Gabriela Hurtado, 2006.

Evelyn was my biscuit lady. More on her here.

We’d known her as little ones in far Southern Virginia (Danville). We were delighted years later when we moved from rural Virginia (Chester) to New Jersey (Plainfield) to learn that she and hubby Rollins Justice (Justice to everyone) had moved there before us.

Evelyn was the kindest, most gracious, most empathetic human I’ve ever known. Of course, she’d be the one who wanted to take us to Radio City. I played chess too and she knew that two blocks away Brentano’s had a magnificent selection of boards and pieces.

She made even waiting on line fun, with jokes and stories of her childhood and things we didn’t remember about ourselves. We saw the wonderfully garish kick-dance show, kind of like Vegas showgirls, minus the decolletage and jiggling breasts. As I recall, they twirled mini-hula hoops that glowed under the lights around their calves and ankles. And the flick with Charade, starring the unnatural cervix lovely Audrey Hepburn.

I’ve been to the center since, seen the shows and tree, and of course the skaters. They aren’t as magical without Evelyn. She died in 1997. She was swell.

Old coots, chaws and vegetable display

November 19th, 2016

The farmers’ co-op in Romney WV was integral to my childhood. It had been moribund, then closed after long-time manager Fred Judd had a dreadful fall from which he never really recovered.

Just this week, it’s reopening in a form I would not have recognized. It is now the Hampshire County Co-op & Market Place. It offers local artists’ work and fancy food. The promo on the town FB page includes, “PS: Eric Hott’s smoked bacon pieces dipped in dark chocolate will change your life forever!”

That’s not the way I knew it.

Next door to the co-op on South Marsham Street was my grandfather’s tailor/dry cleaning shop. Abutting that was the family house where I spent summers and holidays. For a peripatetic  lad and his sister, that town and that specific street were home. We moved every couple of years but Marsham Street was always there for us.

We could sit on the front porch (and did often) watching as rain storms sheeted down the mountains before us, first wetting the apple and peach orchards.

Two doors down was a playground inside the co-op. The manager, Carl, let us play. In the big room by the entrance were bins of seed. If a farmer or gardener needed just a few pounds of corn to plant, he could fill a bag using a tin ladle and weigh it out. Likewise, you could get 16-penny spikes loose.

We kids were fascinated with the offerings. We’d also bury a toy in the seeds and challenge each other in a primitive hide-and-seek.

For the big games, the warehouse was filled with 50- and 100-pound bags of seed, feed, flour and such. We’d hide, chase each other and play battle with pea shooters.

Back in the front was a pot-bellied stove, replete with one to six old men. Several were excellent at sitting on nail kegs across from the stove and accurately spitting a big drop maybe 10 feet into the teardrop openings of the stove grate.

They’d tell true tales or maybe lies about their farms and WWI times and such. Highlights included remarkable vegetables they grew, like a 14-inch long bean pods. As I recall McCaslan was the usual champion bean.

I loved the stories and characters who told them. The co-op was a social club for them and me.

Next time I’m in town, I’ll surely visit the artisinal food and art version. I am pretty sure there’ll  be no stove glowing red and certainly tno tobacco-spitting performances.

 

Splayed Social Skills

October 30th, 2016

Occasionally, I wear a kilt. That has become a family thing.

alkiltMy first daughter-in-law, wife of our eldest son, is singularly proud of her Scottish heritage. She’s not a skirt/dress person, but does wear a kilt. Our son does too and so does their son. He is one of the two males pictured here; you can decide which is his image and which mine.

A Scottish neighbor discussed the manners and mindfulness involved in kilt wearing. His was a long tale about a wedding. He was in the groom’s party and sat in the nave during the ceremony. Of course, as a Scott, he was kitted in kilt.

During the wedding, he wondered what dementia gripped his wife and other family members. The women he could see gesticulated repeatedly in some indecipherable sign language He smiled faintly by way of acknowledging them but did not get the message until after the nuptials.

mbdouglasTurns out, the women in the pews were trying strongly to say, “Close your damned legs!’

He was, as I do, wearing his kilt traditionally  — with no clothing underneath. The whole church other than those standing or seated with the wedding principals had no doubt of his gender.

I thought I had gotten the hang of it. I observed other kilt wearers and saw that most men push the front material in a fold between their thighs, making a crotch curtain. Yet last evening at a fair sized party at our house, my wife crossed the room to provide my own close-your-damned-legs moment. She was more pleasant but the message was the same.

In my experience, women are no more polite or considerate than men. Yet nearly all try to preserve modesty when they wear a skirt or dress or kilt. The Sharon Stone Basic Instinct reveal when it occurs is intentional.

Men on the other hand (other leg?) do not grow up learning to keep their knees together when seated. For all but men with the least muscled thighs, keeping legs closed when seated allows no hanging room for what the Brits call naughty bits.

I enjoy wearing a kilt, for the variety and comfort. I only once was out in the bitter air and wind of winter in one though.

I suspect I’ll master the physical and social skill of the seated curtain. I also tend to travel with my kilt watcher to remind me.