A Disappeared Family

December 18th, 2014 No comments »

A college chum made his family vanish in his self-written obit. A wife and four daughters vanished in his detailed recap of life and kin.

I feel a double connection. I introduced, really connected, him and the woman he’d marry….first Then over 20 years later, he’d ask me to be a witness in the bizarre and hypocritical Roman Catholic annulment tribunal.

It’s not my thought to demean any religion’s dogma or processes. Yet from a post written at the time of the declaration-of-nullity proceeding, I clearly was stunned at the acrobatics involved. Likewise, reading the obit he wrote, I marvel at the duplicity.

His second wife, also Roman Catholic, insisted on an annulment, so they could marry in their church. Her will be done. Meanwhile, while he pressured me to fill in the complex tribunal questionnaire from the Savannah diocese, I was and remain uneasy.

As requested in the tribunal cover material, I did check the papers and answers with a local priest. He heads one of the region’s largest parishes and certainly understands his church’s rules, if not MA history.  He nimbly clarified the how and why of the process. To this UU, he was an animated FAQ on nullity. While I still see it very much as a game and a fund raiser, annulment is not otherwise part of my life and that is not my church.

The puzzlement comes when the theater extended to my friend’s death statements. The RC Church is careful to claim a nullified marriage did in fact exist when it occurred and that any children resulting did not become illegitimate as a result of the declaration. With his heart conditions and knowing his end was at hand, he could not drop the ruse.

The longest paragraph in his obit lists his relatives, sort of. His second wife’s folk abound. She is “the great love of his life.” Her parents, children, grandchildren, siblings and appendices all appear. On his side, his late father appears in the previous résumé-style paragraph. At the very bottom of the survivors he mentions his late brother.

Invisible are his aged mother, his very alive sister, his first wife and his four daughters. I can surmise that he was estranged from his family, perhaps as a result of his leaving, divorcing and getting that annulment from wife #1. I can imagine wife #2 insisting he drop contact with his birth and previous family.

I’ll likely track down and call his first wife. That will mean confessing my role in the nullity process, which she may already know. That would probably be good for my psyche.

My erstwhile chum seems to prove the idea in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Last Tycoon that “There are no second acts in American lives.” My old buddy avoided the complications and development of his personal play, going directly to the resolution, comfortable if delusional.

 

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Oh, glänzenden Weihnachtsbaum (Shiny Christmas Tree)

December 16th, 2014 No comments »

A huge shock of my late teen years was to make the annual pilgrimage to my grandparents’ West Virginia home to find…an aluminum Christmas tree in the living room. My very bright, stern but rational grandmother had her reasons.

That was a betrayal on numerous levels. Yes, yes, it was her home, but it was also mine. I moved every few years throughout my childhood. A constant was summers and holidays in the eastern panhandle of WV, now known amusingly as the Potomac Highlands.

Among the state’s abundances are mountains and trees, lots of evergreens. In fact, the small house itself sported two gigantic blue spruces that were wee when my grandfather planted them or his three then tiny children. He still decorated them with those old-style big light ropes. Inside we always had a fresh local tree. I remember going with family fried and relative by marriage old Charlie Long to cut a tree from his land. That was back in the days when you changed a pickup truck to four-wheel drive by hitting the hubs into position with a hammer…by cracky. Charlie was older than Granddad but he still liked Christmas trees and was delighted to help me pick, cut and load one.

2013treeIt turns out Baba, as my older sister had named our grandmother, had been plotting all those years. When the grandkids were in college, the new living room order would take charge.

Note that she had had her way with the heating system a few years before. Her children and then grandchildren had grown to big sizes with a coal furnace. The work fell to her husband, then her son, then to me. Of course, I did not enjoy lugging the gigantic galvanized cans of slag and powder remains to the curb. Likely the trash guys didn’t like their role either. I did like, no love, stoking the furnace. It was a fair dragon, with roaring mouth of flame and heat begging for more food. I was happy to oblige.

When she could Baba badgered her husband into converting to a very tame gas boiler. Boo.

Her underlying motivation though was simple. she never liked the faint smell of the coal heat in the vents. She absolutely hated cleaning off the faint gray smudges above the living room vents that appeared after a month or two of heat.

Honestly, killing the dragon for a few wisps of residue?

It turns out the Christmas tree ran afoul of similar sins. Her children, grandchildren and husband had always provided and mounted the tree. We had climbed into the attic and retrieved the balls, tinsel and lights. We had decorated to the sweet and dreadful strains of Lawrence Welk and other seasonal shows providing carols and show tunes of the season.

Baba, however, was affronted by violations of her space.

Worst was the profusion of needles. On the wooden floor, on the carpet and rugs, in the presents, somehow spreading like hair from some gigantic green cat. There was also the tinsel…Granddad had to have tinsel on the tree. It too seemed to reproduce and leave spoor even beyond what we had purchased and draped.

Apparently in a curtain lecture, she had let her husband know that when we were all in college, there’ d be no more living, shedding trees in her very own living room.

Baba’s folly aside, in our 35 years in Boston, we have had trees. We are down to two of our three sons  — one is off on that other coast and a father himself — living with us. We have decorations that go waaaay back. My late mother-in-law Sylvia made us a pottery creche. My late mother for years bought personalized ornaments for her grandsons. Our sons produced their own ornaments at preschool. Friends have brought tree baubles which we hung and maintain.

The tree above from last year is typical of our garish display. It includes numerous strands of NM chili lights too.

One son is off visiting his ridge-runner fiancée this holiday. The first  son spent Thanksgiving with us including his wife and toddler. He’ll be with his in-laws for Christmas.  Yet the three of us have the non-metallic evergreen yet again. We have made one concession, dialing it down a notch from roughly 8 feet to maybe six and one-half. I’m not sure we can jam all the ornaments and lights on. We shall try.

Ho ho.

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Four Things About Marky Mark

December 6th, 2014 No comments »

First let us be plain. The teen Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg was a racist punk. By police records, he was caught over 20 times in various violent or drug acts. By his own admissions and court findings he attacked black school kids with rocks (and slurs) as well as beating two Vietnamese Americans with sticks, one so viciously he lost the sight of one eye.

Second, he has applied for a pardon from our commonwealth. He wants a clean record, apparently to make his business dealings easier (the hamburger restaurant biz).

Third, despite his fame, wealth and connections, he has made no effort to find, apologize to or make any restitution to his victims.

Fourth, on the other side of it all, our goofed up culture of perpetual punishment mocks the paid-his-debt-to-society construct.

Cynical plea

The news stories of his pardon request an even his Wikipedia page are not terribly convincing. He returns to the idea that as he has done positive things that should settle the matter. Done and done. He loves pointing to this egotistically eponymous wahlfoundation to help poor kids.  (Pic note: image adapted from his foundation site, for which I claim fair usage.)

Not so fast and easy, underwear boy.

Let’s consider the moral and even religious angles here. Massachusetts in general and Boston specifically are largely Roman Catholic in culture, except for the WASP laws. That’s key to the likes of pardons and criminal records.

Sure Catholics are used to confession and absolution. The stereotypical “Say 10 Hail Marys and five Our Fathers” does not conflate with the Protestant secular laws and regulations. Catholics may get a clean bill from the Church, but Protestants carry their sins around for their whole lives…and they wrote the laws around here.

Now that we are all paying attention again, I’m betting he’ll hear a lot about this. I’m also betting that he’ll have minions track down some of his victims, maybe the former kids he terrorized or the two men he beat with clubs while calling them racial slurs. Then he can make a display of atoning before them. They are likely to be harder sells than a priest, as it should be.

Pardon? Pardon me.

He doesn’t deserve a pardon though. He was caught fair and square numerous times. Who knows how many racist and violent crimes he got by with?

While sentenced for two years for beating that blinded man, he served only 45 days in jail. That is a small price to pay for permanent, life-altering injury. What’s to pardon for a vicious, intentional crime?

The big however is the inherent vindictiveness in the records laws. We know from thousands of instances that CORI papers prevent ex-offenders from getting jobs, putting them at economic risk and holding them down in society. We are slowly reforming that stigma system.

In some few cases it makes sense, such as the sex-offender registry. Where mentally, emotionally disturbed types are likely to commit those crimes again, the stigma makes sense to society.

On the other hand, consider Wahlberg. He has his stacks of money and an overhauled reputation, replete with over a decade of good deeds. We have zero reason to suppose he’ll pick up a big stick and go into a racist rage while beating this or that person of color.

The only point of the alleged character laws is perpetual punishment. Again, it comes back to the Protestant concept of only God can cleanse you and only on Judgment Day. If you pardon the expression, what a hell of a way to write laws.

No. Wahlberg does not deserve a pardon to pretend he never did the dreadful racist attacks. However, his point of the unfairness of stenciling his life perpetually with a stencil from his 16-year-old sins is crazy.

Yes, he should forever he known for his bad deeds as he wants now to be known for his good ones. But the business regulations should not add perpetual real-world punishment to the shame.

Assuming Wahlberg really wants to do some good, he can lobby (or pay someone to lobby). Go to the new governor and a few key legislators. Reform the post-conviction system so that pointy-headed, rules-are-rules bureaucrats can’t perpetually harm former offenders in unrelated aspects of their lives. That would help thousands a year, not just make opening more hamburger joints easier for one guy.

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Passing of the Torch Light Switch

November 30th, 2014 No comments »

Even if our longest-serving Mayor Tom Menino hadn’t died so soon after leaving office, today would have been strange. His replacement, Marty Walsh, threw the light switch on  the Christmas tree in Logan Square.

LoganlightingThat’s in Hyde Park, Menino’s part of Boston (and mine). As a city councilor, then mayor for so long, Menino was the tree guy. He loved the square, the event, the happy kids, the young step dancers and other performers, greeting the constituents, and showing off his phenomenal memory of our names and details. One year when he was ailing, his wife Angela, stood in and up for him, but this was different.

A tree lighting without Tom Menino is a shock to the HP psyche.

Let me note that Walsh did well. I don’t know if he has it in him to be as charming, as avuncular, and as jolly as Menino. I can leave it for others who did business with the city to haul out their favorite vignettes of how Da Mare could, would and did figuratively break their knuckles in negotiations. As a constituent I never experienced that in my decades of dealing with him.

Pix clix: Click a thumbnail for a larger view. If it opens in the same window, use your browser’s back button or command to return.

License note: All pix are Creative Commons-Attribution. Do whLoganhorsesat you want with them. Just give Mike Ball credit once.

Walsh is a passable pol. He got elected and reelected to the MA House then the mayoralty. Oddly enough though today in Logan Square, he seemed to get a lot more pleasure out of high fiving the kids than he did glad-handing the voters. Could the new Mayor be shy?

The crowds were also passable. I estimate that half to two-thirds as many who showed as in previous years. That was surprising in that we had relatively balmy 4:30 PM weather. It’s gotten to be a very localized joke that the event brings snow, sleet, bitter cold and strong winds.

However, as always, the kids had a good time. There were silly rides for the littlest ones, fried dough and cotton candy for the shameless and those with strong stomachs, and draft-horse cart spins about.

LoganfaceOh, yes, and the face painting occurred in the Logan Square Barber Shop. That’s where I get what little hair I have trimmed. I found it peculiar that while the barbers were not doing the deeds, kids adults alike were in the three chairs getting done up like tigers or with Patriots’ logos on their cheeks and foreheads.

On the dais, we had the usual suspects — Santa, Rep. Angelo Scaccia, District Councilor Tim McCarthy, At-Large Councilor Steve Murphy. the commander of the local police precinct and such. In no surprise, I kept overhearing the lament of no-Tom-Menino. That’s certainly not Walsh’s fault, but he has a lot of history against his back.

 

 

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Team Turkey Day v. My Kitchen

November 28th, 2014 No comments »

mymableWe had family and friends, close and far and very far this week for turkey goose day. In addition so many of us (almost all with Southern roots) have been assembling for over 20 years for the instant-to-concrete tribe, I love how it’s become a blood group effort.

Growing up, I knew different, as did my wife. Both her mother and my maternal grandmother, Mable or as named by my older sister Baba, identified strongly as THE family cook. Her hand to your mouth. You could set up, clean up and otherwise perform only narrowly defined tasks for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter feasts. Her kitchen…

Mable was a fine cook, really a chef and baker. I should never complain. Yet both my mother and later my wife did. Their mothers did not let them prepare meals, much less pass along the great folk art and magic of sustenance, of sacred sacrifice on the familial altar.

A few years after my parents married in Fort Sill, they headed to Japan with their two tots as part of the Occupation Army. A few years after that, they returned to Fort Sill and accepting they married blind, they divorced.

While we were in Japan, numerous servants tended to us. They adored the two blond kids, me particularly as the boy. They also cooked for us.

After the divorce when my mother began raising us solo, the full impact of knowing squat about food was all too obvious to her. Her mother fed her, then her college cafeteria, then the Army, then servants. Then what?

So this is a plea. If you are the family cook, teach your kids and if necessary your spouse. You might go away, they might go away, you might get run over by a careering armored truck.

This Thanksgiving, I did prepare most of the overly abundant carte. That would be the likes of goose with cracked peppercorns, cruditiés with four dips, roasted yams with orange, port wine cranberry chutney, wild and jasmine rice, key lime pie and on and on. I get in a groove.

However, the full-time family residents did their do. My uxorial unit is a great pastry baker. She made a highly decorative and delicious tart-cherry pie and a huge plate of deviled eggs. Son 2 made saffron ice cream and brie en croute. Son 3 did an extremely popular stuffed shells with from-scratch tomato sauce.

And so it went…

I likely could have made every dish. In fact, I held off on several I had in mind to make. We were already in overkill. Plus, various guests showed with nosh offerings, wines, ciders, and of course, their own pies — pecan, buttermilk and sweet potato. Our Thanksgiving clan has a real pie jones.

It’s nice….it’s better…t’s great…when everyone feels and exhibits ownership of the life and pleasure giving role. It’s a boat that everyone helps steer, When you arrive, you are happy for the journey.

Give thanks.

 

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The Mayor is Dead. Long Live the Mayor.

November 22nd, 2014 No comments »

clearytreeIt’s the season or at least a season. The recently retired and more recently dead former Mayor Tom Menino clearly had a big saved spot in his big old heart for Christmas and its leading events. He went by Escalade from one Boston neighborhood to another, shameless in his enjoyment of the holiday trolleys and tree lightings. He seemed to be everyone’s dad or granddad.

I can only recall him once missing the lighting of the Anderson tree in our shared Hyde Park neighborhood. He was too feeble that year. His wife Angela stood on the platform for him and performed his greetings and wishes. That itself was remarkable.

For decades, she had preferred to have her people-loving hubby meet-and-greet. Even on the annual July 12th block party celebrating the city while celebrating Tom’s ascendancy to the mayoralty when Ray Flynn scurried off to the Vatican with delusions of legacy and maybe even closeness to God, Angela absented herself while Tom stood in the street glad-handling and chatting up us all.

Yet when needed, she did not let her husband down. She became the first lady of the city.

Now Martin J. (Marty) Walsh rolls into Menino-land in eight days to figuratively flip the switch and by so doing stake a local claim. I”ll be there to see how he carries himself.

So far, the new version of Da Mare has not been as visible in these parts and certainly has not brought the personable Menino character. I’ve observed him at several events and found him rather dour in contrast to the avuncular Menino.  There may be some jollity in him, but he doesn’t let it out much.

walsh1I admit that to Tom Menino I was a constituent. He treated me as such. I had many contracts with him, at political events, when he was a guest on my Left Ahead podcast, when I advocated for or thanked him for bicycle doings, at business openings, in random meetings, and of course at the annual tree lighting.

He remembered…my name, my precinct, that I was a poll warden, that I shared his love of cycling, that I’d  moved from JP to HP (the proper order of things in his judgment, that I had healed from a badly broken leg when he was having his own nether region problems, what my sons had been about. In other words, he was both an empathetic guy and a skilled pol.

I never saw the allegedly hard-boiled Mr. Mayor. I thought of that recently when a police officer who had been one of his union’s officials involved in contract negotiations fairly snorted at the lore of the late Mayor. He saw the thunderbolts and said there definitely were two distinct sides to him.

So hail Marty Walsh, the obscure state rep following the longest serving, fervently popular chief exec of Boston. He inherited the stereotypical urban ills of crime and unemployment, but primarily a city in very good shape. Now what?

Tom Menino always seems to have been Tom Menino. He was personable and above all else loved both his city and its residents. He seemed to recharge with every moment taking your hand or learning more about you — interests, problems, anything.

So far, Walsh has lacked the tiny, constant Menino touches. For one, as a long-time poll worker, I think of the preliminary, primary and general election days. A few pols, like Rep. Liz Malia, show up at polling places with coffee, doughnuts or sandwiches for those of us who spend 14 or 25 hours there. Menino’s people never missed an election or a polling place.

I thought too of the day of Menino’s sudden death announcement. Coincidentally, Walsh was scheduled to appear on River Street in Hyde Park to dedicate a pocket park, really a dreadful patch of paving stones next to a convenience store, badly in need of what my grandmother would have called a bum bench. Walsh didn’t show. The half dozen of us there in case he did were not surprised. On the other hand, Tom Menino would never have left constituents hanging. He either would have had an aide appear to announce a postponement or would have gotten a cop from the station across the street to do that.

I’ll be fascinated to see how the new Mayor handles hoi polloi.

 

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Good Kid from Hyde Park

October 31st, 2014 1 comment »

meninoflower1He knew your name. Like the obverse of the Cheers theme, he knew everybody’s name. Mayor Tom Menino internalized the number one rule for successful populist politicians — he remembered you, your face and your name.

Like so many thousands of Bostonians, I was personal with Da Mare. He made it easy. The pic here is from one of the numerous neighborhood coffees I attended. He loved handing out pots of marigolds and salvia from the city greenhouses. Moreover in our shared Hyde Park, he seemed to know all and each of us. He’d ask specifically about spouses, children and grandchildren. He cared, enough to pay attention and remember.

He also was avuncular beyond his age…everybody’s uncle.

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t HP specific, but I noticed a parallel pair of “kid” allusions in a short period. One involved then City Councilor Rob Consalvo, who was stepping down to run to replace Menino who had announced he would not go for a sixth term. The Mayor was Rob’s mentor and Rob took over the district seat Menino held when he was elevated to the top spot in 1993.

One evening during the campaign I got a call and was Surprised to hear a campaigner say she was Rob Consalvo’s mother and wanted me to vote for him in the preliminary. Yup, she was phone banking.

I reminded her that I was the warden at our shared polling place and that we knew each other casually. Then I told her I supported him and she went on to thank me and assure me that “He’s a good kid.” After a very brief pause, she added, “I shouldn’t say that. He’s a grown man now.”

Then one of the times I chatted with Menino at a local restaurant opening (he always did his bit for Boston businesses), I mentioned that I lived two houses from Dan Linskey on Fairmount Hill. I knew that the man who became face of Boston Police following the Marathon bombings had been the Mayor’s driver for years. He became the number one uniformed officer, number two in the department after the commissioner, with the impressive title Superintendent in Chief.

The Mayor smiled at Linskey’s name and said, “Yeah, Dan, he’s a good kid.”

Like Consalvo, Linskey is a grown man, replete with wife and kids, college age in his case. Menino might barely have been old enough, in the stereotypical hillbilly sense, to be Linskey’s father. Uncle was more apt. He loved that role and was great at it.

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Tom Menino and the Ride Not Ridden

October 30th, 2014 No comments »

nicoletomDefinitely on my to-do list and almost as surely not on his, I wanted that promised bike ride from Hyde Park to City Hall, maybe with Steve Murphy too. It would be the old guys cycling to town.

Like so many in Boston, I knew Thomas Michael Menino. He died this morning at only 71 from cancer. He must be the most loved person in town. Among the many things he did to earn that affection was meeting and knowing so many of us. I’ll surely post a few vignettes.

Today it’s a bicycling story. As a blogger and podcaster, I commented about him and to him. He allegedly was prickly and overly sensitive to criticism, but I never experienced that. He was a guest on my Left Ahead show several times, like here. I’d see and chat with him at political, cycling and similar events at City Hall, at restaurant openings and tree lightings in our Hyde Park neighborhood, and of course annually at his July 12th block party to celebrate his ascendancy to acting mayor in 1993 when Ray Flynn flew away to the Vatican.

It became a bit of a running joke with us when we talked about biking together from our neighborhood to his office. (The image here is one of him at a bike event in 2008 [I think] in his silly cycling outfit with Director of Boston Bikes Nicole Freedman.)

As it turned out, long-term City Council member and president from 2011 into 2014 Steve Murphy also lives in Hyde Park, jut a couple of blocks from me on Fairmount Hill. I asked him whether he biked. He said he had a mountain bike and would be up for riding to City Hall if I’d arrange it.

Menino too was passively accepting of the concept. Before he broke an ankle bone and had other health troubles, he had a two-wheel epiphany. Like so may locals, he had been hostile to bikes but got one as a gift from a City Councillor and thought about the pluses of cycling. He rode around HP and in the gym. He hired that bike czarina and actively championed her good road work. He is a hero to cyclists.

Inariably when we’d meet, I’d talk cycling too and began to ask about when the the old guys (in fairness to Steve, I”ll note that he’s about a decade younger than I) could spin into town. The first couple of times he’d say that I’d be too fast for him, but I said we’d all ride together and it was really only about 10 miles. He joked that Murphy would have a heart attack in the effort but that we’d do the trip as soon as he was healthy enough.

Well, I kept checking but he never got healthy enough. He had lung and gut problems and then a diagnosis of advanced cancer from some unknown source. I would have enjoyed that ride and suspect he would have too.

 

 

 

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A Bigger Boston? Yes, Says Mayor Walsh

October 15th, 2014 No comments »

At the less dewalsh1pressed and threatening Dudley Square, I elbowed into the jammed-to-sweating announcement this afternoon. Boston Mayor Marty Walsh opened the first of three outposts of his Office of Financial Empowerment. (Click the link to catch key details and the players.)

The big idea is that many of what our Sen. Elizabeth Warren would say are living on the ragged edge of the middle class (her fave expression and an apt one here) don’t have to be. They can learn smarter ways to manage money, particularly with:

  • financial education and coaching
  • credit counseling and “repair” of credit score
  • workforce development, education and training
  • job search support services
  • tax prep and earned-income tax credit guidance

Most of the funding for the effort comes from the United Way and LISC (Local Initiatives Support Corporation). Boston isn’t the first to get one of these. Locally Lynn, Lawrence and Chelsea already have the the program should open a total of 10 here. Cities in other states have theirs working.

What caught my attention most though was Walsh’s comments about growing our static burg. We’ve hovered around 600,000 for several decades, recently edging up to maybe 636.000. Note that 60 years ago, the population was above 800,000.

Walsh would like to see the actual city above 700.000. He said today that a big factor there would be providing more and more affordable housing. That would be 50,000 to 60.000 units to support the growth.

It’s no coincidence that a couple of candidates whom Walsh defeated in his mayoral run proposed similar goals and figures. The fascinating part of today’s gathering was that he has not backed away from the goal.

I’ll try to get him to come on Left Ahead again to detail his plans.

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Millions of Adrian Petersons

September 17th, 2014 No comments »

First the good forecast — pro football player Adrian Peterson caught causing major permanent harm to at least two of his children newly exposes this nearly ubiquitous problem. That could well mean abusers will confront their lack of self-control, absence of breeding, and dearth of compassion. At home, in bars, at work and in all media, those who take hand or belt or stick to a child — a weaker person subject to their physical, emotional and economic power — will hear and know of their failure of humanity.

I liken it to the shift in racism I saw and heard in the 60s and 70s in the South. Even in public before strangers, good old boys began to call and ridicule each other for using the N* word or making racist comments. That signified a major cultural shift.

Also, let us not think wait-till-your-father-gets-home. Sociological evidence from many studies belabors the obvious. In most homes, those dear mothers are the common daily abusers. Traditionally they were home with the kids while dad worked.Now that both parents are likely to work or the children are with a single mother, the dynamic is the same. The mom is there when children actually misbehave or as likely, run afoul of mother’s bad mood.

I’d written several times on my political blog about the loony parents-rights movement, like here and here. As a group and individuals, they claim that not only it is their right but their duty mandated by God to beat defenseless children.

We can’t reason with anyone so demented. Likewise, when I hear someone say, “I was beaten as a child and it didn’t hurt me,” I am wont to say, “Other than turn you into a child abuser yourself.” Honestly!

I think f the pop voyeuristic version, America’s Funniest Home Videos. That show is the wort of our culture. In the main, those clips are not at all funny, rather sadistic. Seeing and hearing children, animals and the befuddled get hurt and humiliated is low-brow slapstick at best. The schadenfreude involved is dreadful.

I don’t want Peterson beaten with sticks as he did to the helpless boys. No one deserves that. Likewise, no parent should ever slap a child, particularly in the face. Doing that leaves emotional damage as well as pain.

Do not hit any child, not with your hand or any object. If you must grip something, get a grip on your puerile emotion.

 

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